Correspondence Extraordinaire
by Moon N Roselyne
Summary: Snippets of conversations between our favourite characters! Out of context, short... DO NOT TAKE SERIOUSLY!
1. Thanksgiving

**Correspondence Extraordinaire**

 **Note 1 : So this just popped in my head and it had to come out. I APOLOGIZE! It is a complete parody and crack!fic!**

 **Note 2 : English is not my first language, mistakes are mine! Kindly keep in mind that I am French. (That should explain A LOT... Comments and corrections welcome!)**

 **Note 3 : this probably won't get your attention. But if it does. And you'd like to see conversations between characters or subject being talked about...Just let me know! :)** **  
**

 **Disclaimer : If I owned anything I think I'd know it!**

 **Thanks for reading!  
**

* * *

 **From : MaRizzoli  
** **To : DetRedSocks**

Hoahz cagajn Iheg snefd mutltiepjjel iehernteion ?

 **From : DetRedsocks**  
 **To : Ma**

Are you learning scandinavian with Maura again?

 **From : howdoesthisthingwork**  
 **To : JaneClementineRizzoli.**

I need to send multiple invites for Thanksgiving. Was sending from my smartphone.

 **From : DetDontusemyfullname**  
 **To: Ma**

Excuses Excuses.  
Alright I'll do it.

 **From : DetRedSocks**  
 **To : Bass4ever; DetChogarKing; LtCavanaugh; SargentDogLove; DetFranky; TommyLydiaandTJ; KidneyCailin; Artistranscendent; Thedadwenevermet; MENDCEO**

Subject : Thanksgiving

Ma is delighted to invite you all for Thanksgiving! Get ready for turkey, stuffing, PVR Baseball games and more turkey.

Any question should be directed to DetChogarKing aka Frost, official translator for MotherRizzoli

 **From : Bass4Ever**  
 **To : RedSocks**

Subject : WHAT

THANKSGIVING IS IN TWO WEEKS! AT MY HOUSE ?

 **From : DetRedSocks**  
 **To : Bass4ever**

Yup. Ma's cooking. You don't need to plan anything.

 **From : Bass4Ever**  
 **To : RedSocks**

AND SHE INVITED HOPE ?! Oh my god why not invite **PattyMobster** ?!

 **From : PattyMobster**  
 **To : Bass4Ever, DetRedSocks  
** **Cc: federalprisonemailcheck**

 ** _Please note that any exchange with an inmate will be reviewed by our prison staff. Any unauthorized content will be deleted and the inmates privileges revoked._**

Maura,

While I am deeply touched you'd want me for Thanksgiving I regret to say I won't be able to attend. Next time!

Love,

Your father.

 **From : Bass4ever**  
 **To : federalprisonmailcheck**

Please don't let him contact me.

 **From : MEND CEO**  
 **To : DetRedSocks**

Your email have been received by MEND CEO. We appreciate your support and value your opinion and will ensure you get an answer shortly,

Kind Regards

Dr. Hope Martin  
MEND Ceo

 **From : DetRedSocks**  
 **To : MEND CEO**

Oh Hope. As warm as ever. Can't wait to chit-chat over turkey.

 **From : MEND CEO**  
 **To : DetRedSocks**

Your email have been received by MEND CEO. We appreciate your support and value your opinion and will ensure you get an answer shortly,

Kind Regards

Dr. Hope Martin

MEND Ceo

 **From : Artistranscendent**  
 **To : Bass4ever; DetRedSocks; DetChogarKing**

I will be delighted to celebrate Thanksgiving. Will however not be able to celebrate on the planned date. Could we reschedule for, say December 24th?

Love to you Maura,

Your mother, Constance.

 **From : DetRedsocks**  
 **To : Bass4ever; Artistranscendent**

Srsly?! O_O"

Your detective best Friend, Jane C. Rizzoli (the one with the curly hair)

 **From : Bass4ever**  
 **To : Mom1; DetRedsockstheonewiththebigmouth**

I understand mother. Cannot do Thanksgiving on December 24. You are however invited since it is Christmas Eve.

Love,

Your daughter.

PS : I know I have more family members as of now but I will never forget that you are my mother.

 **From : KidneyCailin**  
 **To : DetRedsocks; Bass4ever**

Srsly? The kidney joke is getting old don't you think? Will be there though. Mom too.

 **From : DetResocks**  
 **To : Thedoctorwhoonlyhadonekidney; KidneyCailin**

NOPE! BURN!

 **From : Bass4ever**  
 **To : Detyoureintrouble; Cailinhalfsister**

I appologize for Jane's manners. Delighted that you will attend. Regards to **Mom2**

 **From : IAMYOURMOTHER**  
 **To : Beloveddaughter; DetRedsocks**

I will gladly join this lovely reunion.

Love,

Your mother, Hope

 **From : DetRedSocks**  
 **To : Bass4ever; SHEISYOURMOTHER**

Talk about over doing it.

 **From : Bass4ever**  
 **To : Mom2; Mom1; DetRedsocksyourgettingonmynerves**

Honestly you two. I won't forget your names. Nor the fact you are my mothers.

 **From : Mom1**  
 **To : Bass4ever; DetRedsocks**

Cleared my schedule. Will be attending.

 **From : DetRedsocks**  
 **To : Bass4ever**

* _In an Elton John Voice_ *  
CAAAAAN YOU FEEL THE JEALOUSSSSSSYYYYY

 **From : DetFranky**  
 **To : DetRedSocks**

I feel destruction, chaos and drama this year for thanksgiving.

 **From : EvilDetRedSocks**  
 **To : DetFranky**

Yes, but this time we'll be witnesses, NOT MAIN CHARACTERS!

 **From : DetFranky**  
 **To : DetRedSocks**

GOOD POINT! O/ \O Will definitely be there then!

 **From : MotherRizzoli**  
 **To : DetFranky; DetRedSocks; Bass4Ever**

Shouldn't we invite **youlookhot** ?

 **From : DetFrankylmfao; DetWHATHAVEYOUDONERedsocks; youcantlickmyface  
To : Nomoreusingtechnologywithoutsupervisionma**

NO!

 **From : Youlookhot  
** **To : MaRizzolimakesthebestcookies; DetFrankyJr, DetHotRizzoli; Docunderthehood**

I'd luv 2!  
Thx Mrs Riz'!  
Maura, Jane...If u change ur mind...

 **From : LLBFFs  
To : youlookhot; MotherRizzoli; DetFranky**

Still the first on our list!

 **From : MotherRizzoli**  
 **To : LLBFFs; youlookhot, DetFrankyJr**

What is LLBFFs? 

* * *

First chapter done! :)

So?

I have two more ready...Let me know if you want more!


	2. We appreciate and value your opinion

**I just couldn't resist posting this one tonight!**

 **Thanks for reading :)**

* * *

 **From : DetRedSocks  
** **To: MEND CEO**

You need to come. NOW. Maura is going crazy over thanksgiving. **mom1** is not there yet and unreachable. Maura just fainted in the kitchen, threw the turkey in the air. Now the turtle is eating it. Maura is in a corner crying SOS DR MARTIN, YOU ARE MY ONLY HOPE... (no joke)

 **From : Bass4Everontheedge**  
 **To: DetRedsocks**

It's a TORTOISE

 **From : MEND CEO  
** **To : DetRedSocks**

Your email have been received by MEND CEO. We appreciate your support and value your opinion and will ensure you get an answer shortly,

Kind Regards

Dr Hope Martin  
MEND CEO

 **From : DetRedSocks  
** **To: MEND CEO**

REALLY? THIS IS A CRISIS. Why can't I have your personal contact details?!

 **From : MEND CEO  
** **To : DetRedSocks**

Your email have been received by MEND CEO. We appreciate your support and value your opinion and will ensure you get an answer shortly,

Kind Regards

Dr Hope Martin  
MEND CEO

 **From : DetRedSocks  
** **To: MEND CEO** **  
**

Great. Maura is on the floor, the turtle is going to turn into a ninja and eat pizza and your daughter will never celebrate thanksgiving ever again. Thanks Hope!

 **From : MEND CEO  
** **To : DetRedSocks**

Your email have been received by MEND CEO. We appreciate your support and value your opinion and will ensure you get an answer shortly,

Kind Regards

Dr Hope Martin  
MEND CEO

 **From : DetRedSocks  
** **To: MEND CEO**

Now I'm insulted.

* * *

Your opinion is valuable to us (me), we (I) appreciate your support.

Kind Regards,

Moon


	3. Sunday Mass

**Thank you SO MUCH for all the lovely reviews! I didn't expect so many of you to like this story!**

 **So here is a new chapter dedicated to aaaaalll of you!**

 **Note : I do not mean to offense anyone or any religion. I am an atheist-raised-catholic but respect people's faith ! :) Sister Callahan reminds me however of years of unsuccessful attempts to avoid mass and bible camps..**

* * *

 **From : MayGodHaveMercyOnYourSoul  
** **To : JaneClementineRizzoli, BarreldEdmundFrost; AngelaLucyRizzoli, MauraEleanorEuniceIsles; FrancescoAlfieroRizzoli; VincentDavidKosak; LtCavanaugh; HopeCathleenMartin: ThomasAbramoRizzoliandfamily; CailinMelodyMartin**

Subject : Easter Mass. 

You are all invited (and strongly encouraged..) to attend our Easter Mass at the BPD Chapel on Sunday, at 5:00 AM.

Sister Winifried Callahan.

 **From : DetRedSocksIsLeavingTheCountry  
** **To : AllThePeopleWithOddMiddleNames; MEND CEO; LtCavanaugh; DetDogLove**

WHAT THE HELL

 **From : GodIsOmniscient  
** **To : JaneClementineRizzoli**

DO NOT MENTION THE BURNING FLAMES OF HELL LIGHTLY YOUNG LADY.

 **From : IDontEvenCareAnymore  
** **To : WinnieThePooh**

AT LEAST I CAN SPELL FLAMBOYANT TO DESCRIBE IT NOW.

 **From : ApologeticAngela  
** **To : SisterCallahan**

I apologize for my daughter. We will be delighted to attend.

 **From : Panickedpeople  
** **To : PanickedPeople**

CAN WE AVOID THIS?!

 **From : GodIsOmniscient  
** **To : PATHETICPEOPLE**

Nope.

 **From : MEND CEO  
** **To : DetReSocks**

Your email have been received by MEND CEO. We appreciate your support and value your opinion and will ensure you get an answer shortly,

Kind Regards

Hope Martin,

MEND CEO

 **From : DetIAppreciateYouAppreciatingMysSupportIDoNotHoweverValueYourOpinion  
** **To : MEND CEO**

I give up.

 **From : DetChobarKing  
** **To : DetFranky**

And how are we doing today Francesco Alfiero?

 **From: DetFranky  
** **To : DetWhoStoleMyActionFigure**

Very well Barold Edmund,and yourself?

 **From : DetItIsMine  
** **To: DetFranky**

Point Taken.

 **From : DetDoglove  
** **To : SisterCallahan; SeanCavanaugh; DrHopeMartin, CailinMelodyMartin; AllYouPeopleICantLookAtInTheFaceAnymoreWithoutLaughing**

I regret to inform you that I will not be able to attend as my church is having a mass the very same day.

My sincerest apologies

Vincent David Korsak

 **From : LtCavanaugh  
** **To : SisterCallahan; SeanCavanaugh; DrHopeMartin, CailinMelodyMartin; AllYouPeopleICantLookAtInTheFaceAnymoreWithoutLaughing**

I regret to inform you that I will attend Vinny's church service as well and therefore will not be able to attend the BPD one.

 **From : SeanCavanaugh  
** **To : DetDoglove**

I owe you one.

 **From : DetFLAMBOYANT  
** **To : SoFullOfItDoglove; YouREvenWorsLieutenantSir**

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

 **From : SisterWinifriedCallahan  
** **To : VincentDavidKorsak: LtCavanaugh**

I understand and am sure your church will be doing a lovely service.

Sister Callahan.

 **From : CailinWTF  
** **To : Mom; Maura**

Who is this woman? Do we have to go? WHY ?! WHAT?

 **From : IRaisedYouBetterThanThat  
** **To : MyBelovedDaughters**

Cailin, Language please! Maura, do you wish for us to attend? Because I will go if you ask me to.

 **From : Bass4ever  
** **To : CailinWelcomeToMyWorld; NotSoSureYouWanttobemymomnowareyou**

Sister Callahan is an opinionated nun who works at Boston Police Department. She was Jane and Franky's teacher...

I am an atheist but will attend the venue as Angela will probably force Jane who will probably force me to go in return.

The choice is up to you

 **From : CailinIsRollingHerEyes  
** **To : MomSeriously; MauraHelpHer**

As a way to make amend for my past behaviour (refusing your kidney, insulting you and all the crap I pulled) I will go to church. At Five Am. ON A SUNDAY.

Please Maura hug mom tight next time you see her. So she won't feel like you hate her.

 **From : Bass4Ever  
** **To : Mom2; Cailin**

I greatly appreciate the support. I sent ...mom a picture of puppies and kittens. Studies have shown that offsprings of various species can lift one's spirit.

 **From : MyDaughterLovesMe  
** **To : BELOVEDDAUGHTERS; AngelaRizzoli; DetFranky; DetJaneRizzoli; DetChobarKing; LtCavanaugh; PattyMobs4ever; TommyLydiaandTj; StevenMENDCleaningServices; JuliaBPDmailingservices**

SHE CALLED ME MOM

 **From : DetJaneRizzoli  
** **To : YouReTryingTooHard**

Detective Rizzoli has received your e-mail. She is really busy usually splitting her time between solving MURDERS or comforting Maura after you messed her up or lied to her and is currentlyunable to answer.

She does not appreciate you, but is trying really hard for Maura. She, however empathize the point that she does **not** value your opinion.

Not so Kind Regards

Det Jane Rizzoli.

PS : HOW DOES IT FEEL

* * *

I just can't give up the Hope/Jane MEND CEO thing. Sorry! x)


End file.
